Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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