Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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