Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Is Oprah even human
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
