First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
