YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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