I feel like I'm in dance class right now
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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