We got so high we made milksteak
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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