I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
