legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
