Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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