im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
