Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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