just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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