STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
