i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
