He is an equal opportunity slut.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
