Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
