see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
