I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
