you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Of course I have a pirate flag
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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