Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
So vagazzling was a success
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I DEMAND FORESKIN
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
