I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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