I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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