Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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