stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
