Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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