So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
i now understand why vodka
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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