the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
