Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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