found the other keg... it's in the tree
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
