He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
