wanna go halves on a baby?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
