I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
