the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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