Girls should come with a carfax report
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
