I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
