By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
