Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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