I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
