Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i wish my penis had a tongue
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
