Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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