i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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