So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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