ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i drank out of a bidet.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
