Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
