i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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