How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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