Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
