Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
