Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
